I recently learned the acronym SAHM (for all those in the dark like me it stand for Stay At Home Mum). Shortly after I learned about Stay At Home Mum Depression and I can tell you it feels like such a relief that my experience is common enough to have a name. However, I prefer to call it ‘SAHM Syndrome’.
My Instagram feed paints a perfect picture of our little world…Riley sharing my real fruit ice cream, looking like a koala in my front pack pouch, gazing up into my eyes…
But these beautiful highlights are separated by huge lengths of time. Minutes where I watch the clock and wonder how I’m going to fill each hour, hours of not talking to another adult, days of sitting alone with my thoughts and feeling like I’m not the best Mum I can be.
Who am I? I’m a Mum. I’m Wife. I’m a homemaker. Who was I? I was a Teacher, a colleague, a problem solver; a busy adult functioning in society. This was only 7 short months ago; how’s that for a sudden change in identity!
As a Teacher I earned my keep, and I was damn good at my job. My work was dynamic and highly stimulating. Every day was different and I thrived on having to think on the spot. Now my days are a repeating cycle of feeds, nappy changes, nap times, and chores.
But on the flip side I get to watch my baby grow. Im there for every smile, every little milestone. Being a Mum is the best thing that ever happened to me. So why is this gig not enough for me? I ask myself this countless times a day with a supersized side of Mum guilt. Why am I finding being a SAHM so hard when other women cherish it? How can I love him so much but at the same time want more?
The fact is, I’m not alone. Not by a long shot. SAHM Depression/Syndrome is real.
Some Stay At Home Mums are lonely. So lonely that there is a Tinder-esque app to help Mum’s connect with one another. Some SAHMs are bored. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their babies more than anything, it just means that their new role is less stimulating than what they’re used to. Some Stay At Home Mums are tired. They don’t get to leave their work at work, they are on the clock 24/7. They sleep lightly and never switch off. Some SAHMs are under appreciated. They shake off the loaded question “what do you do, or are you just a stay at home Mum?” and work tirelessly for often no gratification.
And I write this knowing I do not speak for everyone. I know there are Stay At Home Mums (and Dads) out there that love every part of their role and couldn’t think of doing anything else. And honestly, I envy those parents, because I always dreamed of being one of them. But for those that need to hear it, please find solace in the fact that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and you are trying to navigate a massive life change the best that you can. These feelings do not make you a bad parent – they make you human.