“Enjoy every moment.” Out of all the unsolicited advise I’ve been given, this has to take the cake for the hardest one to swallow.
For two reasons:
- It’s fucking hard work. Woven throughout all the amazing, beautiful moments are the difficult, soul-crushing moments that leave you feeling like a shell of a human being. No, I don’t enjoy hearing my baby wake up crying when I’ve just put my shampoo in my hair and he’s only been asleep for 15 minutes. Nor did I enjoy when my three month old baby had an unknown cow’s milk intolerance and would scream in pain for half an hour multiple times a day and I thought this is what my new life was going to be. I especially didn’t enjoy the 4 month sleep regression when my baby woke up 6-8 times a night, ravenous for my milk. Those are not the moments I will look back on fondly and wish could’ve last forever. Those are the moments (or minutes or hours) I’m glad we got through alive. They make the good times all the more sweeter. So no, geriatric lady in the Kmart aisle, I will not enjoy every god damn moment! If you think you would, you try going through the self-checkout while trying to soothe a hungry baby whose cries can be heard across the whole store. Then look me in the eye tell me it was enjoyable.
- Whenever someone tells me to enjoy every moment (I couldn’t begin to count the times), it is usually followed by “it goes so fast”. This reminds me of the fleetingness and fragility of life. As a new Mum, I have never thought about death so much in my nearly 30 years on earth. Mums are bombarded with propaganda about SIDS, how to safely bath your baby to avoid them slipping, how to sleep your baby so the blankets won’t suffocate them etc. A news article pops up on TV about a baby being found in a recycling bin or a child going missing on a camping trip and we are triggered. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking about losing my baby way too often that I’d like to admit. Even looking back through the thousand-odd photos I’ve taken since Riley was born sometimes makes my chest ache. How can he have changed and grown so much in just 5 short months? Will it really all go this fast?
So please – unless someone explicitly asks you for advice, just tell them their baby is cute and move on people. And be a decent human-being and practise social distancing for god’s sake!